Honestly, Openly Me

I can't sleep I can't eat I can't think straight I can't even write anymore and he's all I write about. This obsession, this pining away has to stop It's not right It's not healthy I feel crazy. I know I'm not crazy. Yet I hear something     he doesn't hear and I see something     he doesn't see.... us together. Happy. He's happy. Just not with me. Tonya Marie Follow me on Instagram @tonya_thrifts

None of this has anything to do with love. Not totally. I write about sex and love and every other feeling that comes to me. Desire mostly. Desire is deeper than lust. Lust is a basic carnal urges that can be satiated, once you've gotten your fill of something or someone. Desire is to long for someone or something so deeply, to want, to need every part of them and it can never be satiated. You long for it always, their body, their heart, their soul. The feeling doesn't end with orgasm. That is what I write about. I write about it all but desire is my feeling right now. I write about love too because I long for that feeling again. I honestly don't know if I've ever been truly in love before. I thought I was once, but it was over very quickly. I am a very romantic brained woman and I believe in soul mates and "meant to be," happily ever after. A soul mate or someone who could never be replaced. Someone I could never fall out of love with. Someone who wouldn...

His love borders on obsession it's a thin line easy to cross He hurt me so bad in the beginning now he's too hard for me to trust I wish I could love him like I want to the way I think of loving He's the one I agreed my life to but sometimes I think we're done Yet I don't want to lose him because then what would I do what if there's nothing else for me that possibility is true I'll spend the rest of my life alone I'll be lonely forever never finding my heart a home I don't know how much time he has left his cancer could still come back I want to give him all that I can He deserves to be happy and relaxed I know all that he wants, I am there's no denying that I've always been so devoted to whomever my partner may be loyal to a fault but that was before he hurt me so terribly Now I don't know what I'm doing some days I don't know who I am I know a part of me still loves him so I've got to do all that ...

I'll put my words away for you so you won't be afraid You must think I'm crazy obsessed but you're not alone...even I wonder some days I don't know what I would do though if I couldn't express myself this way my words are the only thing that keep me from bleeding from cutting myself open, gutting myself, dissolving into nothing blackness surrounding me, like it did years before I put my heart out there, trying to fix it, clean it & make it pure again but I know it's too much to understand I must be so arrogant to think that I'm even writing to anybody that my words mean anything that they might touch you, even scare you I know that's lame I'm writing to a ghost, a face that haunts me night and day I'm possessed by crippling desire that just won't go away If my words only had more power and didn't taste so damn sour They'd make you burn for me like fire I wish I knew what to do because I'd do anything f...

I just want to love you, in a way I've always wanted to love. Unconditionally, with every part of me. I need to feel secure. I want to feel things I've never felt before. I want to inhale you like a drug and feel your warmth spread over me, getting high on your love. I'll touch every inch of you, body, mind and soul. Nothing is off limits; there's no place we can't go. I'll run my hands down your body as I listen to your soul. Your breathing tells me where to go to make you lose control. I just want to love you like I've never loved before. Give me all your love return and I'll never need anything more. Tonya Marie Follow me on Instagram @tonya_thrifts